Friends of ours have been fighting, which makes me sad. They’ve been fighting more than usual – fighting non-stop.
Now, I’m not one to criticize fighting: Z and I fight like cats and dogs, and there’s a lot of love between us. So fighting in and of itself is no big deal. But it’s worrisome when there’s not balance. Yes, Z and I fight, but for every awful moment we have, we have about 20 great ones.
It sounds like, for this couple, there’s been a dearth of great moments. Ugh.
I’ve been thinking, wondering, why some relationships succeed where others fail. As much as I want to think it’s due to hard work or emotional intelligence, I keep thinking luck plays a huge role.
Obviously, hard work and emotional intelligence do too, but I’ve known some very hard-working, emotionally intelligent couples who couldn’t keep whatever spark drew them together. Hm.
As friends, we want to be supportive. So in honour of our friends and Valentine’s Day, here’s the best relationship advice I’ve ever received:
Love is not just a feeling, it’s also an action.
That gentle reminder is going to be more readily apparent to some than others. But for those of us who’ve needed the reminder: it’s that when you love, you not only feel love for a person, you also act in loving ways.
So saying: “I love you” when you feel love, that’s nice. But you have to back that up with being generous, kind, compassionate, and sensitive to the one you love. That goes for small things like bringing them coffee in the morning when they’re sleepy, but can also mean big things – like sharing money or going without something so they can go on a trip with their friends.
And you can’t keep score. You can’t try the ol’: “you go first”. No, you have to go first.
No one said it was easy, but if you’re with the right person (ie. someone who does this for you too), it’s totally worth it. 😉
Happy Valentine’s Day!